Her voice went a little unsteady and she let it because this was 11 at night and she was tired and he was the one person she didn't have to manage things for. I am not indifferent to what this costs. I need you to know that. I know that. He said immediately.
I know. I was just saying it out loud, she said. Yeah, that's allowed. She said, "That's actually I want you to say it when it costs something. Don't save it up.
Don't manage it down to something polite. Tell me. " A long pause. Then, "I miss you. " Direct. No qualifications. I I miss you in a way I haven't missed another person in a very long time.
And I don't know what to do with that except say it. She pressed her free hand over her eyes. "I miss you, too," she said. "I miss you so much. It sometimes makes it hard to concentrate on the work I left Atlanta for.
That's a problem. It's both things at once. She said that's the actual problem. It's not a problem I can solve. It's just what it is.
He was quiet. Then he said, "Are you happy there in the work? Not the missing, not the apartment, not any of it. The actual work. " She thought about it. Really thought the way he always made her think without the shortcut answers.
Yes, she said it's the hardest thing I've ever professionally done. And there are days I feel completely out of my depth and Helen scares me a little. And the documentary director is currently not speaking to me because of a venue decision I made that he disagrees with. And yes, I am genuinely fully happy in the work. Then it's right, he said, even when it costs something, it's right.
She stayed on the phone with him for an hour and 20 minutes after that, and somewhere in the middle of it, she stopped being a woman, managing a six-month project in a city that wasn't hers, and became again simply a person talking to another person she cared about. And the simplicity of that, the profound, uncomplicated simplicity of just being with someone, even across four states, even through a phone, settled into her chest like something she would carry. When she finally hung up, she texted Dedray. You were right about the month 2 call. Dedray responded in 30 seconds.
I know. Was it 11? Tell me it was 11. 11:14. I put it in my calendar as 11.