She came over and Darius, who was still wound up from the win, told her every detail of the game in a 15-minute monologue that would have exhausted most adults. And Clare listened to the whole thing with the kind of focused attention that kids can feel in their bones, the real kind, not the polite kind, and asked two or three questions that made Darius realize it actually understood what he was describing. And Marcus watched his son's face do something. He hadn't seen it do in a long time. His son looked comfortable fully, easily, naturally comfortable.
Like this was a normal Saturday night. Like this was just how things were. Marcus felt something enormous and quiet happen inside him. He didn't say anything. He just watched.
Later, after Darius finally went to bed, they sat in the living room, not the kitchen this time. The living room which was a different room with different furniture and different light and Marcus was aware that this was new that they were gradually without discussion expanding the geography of what was ordinary between them. She said, "Can I ask you something personal?" Yeah. What do you miss most about her?
He didn't flinch. Not having someone who knows the version of me before the hard things. He said. Aaliyah knew me when I was young and stupid and optimistic in ways I didn't earn yet. She knew me before I had reasons to be careful.
He paused. I miss being known by someone who remembers who you were. Clare was quiet. David used to do this thing. She said when I was upset about something and trying not to show it.
He'd just sit closer, not say anything, just close the distance. So, I knew he saw it. Even if I wasn't ready to talk, Marcus looked at her. Then, he moved. Not dramatically, not a grand gesture.
He just shifted on the couch, closed the distance. The way she'd described, and sat there. Clare looked at him. Her eyes did something complex. "Marcus," she said.
A long pause. "I'm scared," she said. "Me, too," he said. "Of the same thing, probably." She looked down at her hands.
Losing someone again, caring and then losing. Yeah, he said. That's the one. How do you get past that? I don't think you get past it, Marcus said.
I think you decide it's worth it anyway. She looked up at him. And have you? She asked. Decided.