And he let it pass without giving it a face. I told her. Clare said that if she wasn't sure, she needed to tell you. Not two months out. Right then.
And she said, "I'll figure it out." And she hung up. She pressed her lips together for a moment. I almost called you. I want you to know that I had your number in my phone.
Vanessa had given it to me for emergency purposes when you two were together. And I sat there and I almost called you. Why didn't you? Because I was 23 years old and she was my sister and I told myself it wasn't my place. She said it flatly, not making excuses.
And because I was afraid of what I'd say if I heard your voice. The kitchen was quiet. The river moved below the house. What does that mean? Marcus said.
Clare looked at him directly. It means I had feelings for you that I had no business having. And I knew it. And I buried them. And I let my sister's engagement run until you finally had enough and walked away on your own.
The words were out in the room now. Solid and irreversible. Marcus took a slow breath. Clare. I'm not saying this to start something, she said.
I'm saying it because I walked through a flood to get here and I spent the whole night sitting 5 ft from you with a door between us and I am done performing calm about things that aren't calm. How long? He said, "How long did you have feelings?" She almost laughed, not at him. At herself, Marcus, I was 21 years old when Vanessa brought you home for the first time.
You sat at our dining room table and you treated my father like he was a man worth talking to instead of a gatekeeping system to get through. You argued with my mother about whether a boat could be a reasonable retirement investment and you were right and you were respectful of fault about it and you never once looked across the table at me. A small pause which I understood. You were there for Vanessa. I understood that I was just the younger one.
You were never just the younger one. She went still. Marcus hadn't planned to say it. It came out the way honest things come out when you stop managing your words. You were never background Clare.
He said I noticed you. I just just what? You were her sister. That was the line. The weight of that sentence spread between them like water finding its level.
Yeah, Clare said softly. That was the line. They sat with that for a moment. Both of them understanding something they couldn't quite put language around yet. Then her phone buzzed on the kitchen counter.