Not uncertain, just careful. Like something he meant enough to say exactly right. 3 years, he said. I have been the person who carries things. I carry Lily.
I carry the house. I carry Meridian. I carry all the things that need carrying. He stopped. And somewhere in those three years, I stopped even remembering that I was allowed to want anything for myself.
That wanting something for myself wasn't selfish or dangerous or something I'd have to apologize for. He met her eyes. You walked into my office and asked me who saves me. And I didn't have an answer, but I thought about that question every day for weeks. What's the answer?
She asked. I'm working on it, he said. But you're part of it. And I don't say that because you appeared at the right moment or because I'm grateful or because you needed something and I happened to be there. He paused.
I say it because when I picture what I actually want my life to look like, the version where I stop making myself small. You're in that picture. Not saving me just there. She looked at him. Nashville is 4 hours, she said.
I know that's not nothing. No, he said it's not. But it's also not impossible. His jaw shifted. The same slight tension she had learned meant he was deciding something.
And I have spent enough of my life letting the distance between what I want and what's convenient be the reason I don't reach for it. Something broke open in her chest quietly and completely. Okay, she said. Okay, he said. That was it.
That was the whole conversation. No promises, no plans, no neat resolution. just two people who had been broken in entirely different ways looking at each other and deciding with full information and no illusions that the other person was worth the difficulty. It was not the most romantic moment of either of their lives. It was in some ways better than that. The last week of the month moved with the particular speed of time you don't want to lose.
Marcus began packing. Lily supervised with the focused authority of someone who has strong opinions about box labeling and does not hesitate to enforce them. Mrs. Patterson came over three times ostensibly to help actually to sit in the kitchen and be present in the way that people who love you are present when something is ending. Not sadly but with the weight of knowing it mattered.
Clare came on the last Saturday not to help pack. Marcus had professionals coming on Monday, but because Lily had asked her to via text in the particular direct way, Lily communicated everything. Dad's place looks weird with boxes everywhere. Can you come Saturday? I'm making him let me put a bow on Mrs.