Knowing it would end things in a way that made me the injured party instead of you, the person who didn't want kids. You get to be the cheater who made a mistake instead of the wife who deliberately deceived her husband about their entire future. She shook her head violently. No, no, I didn't plan it like that. I didn't start things with Marcus to end our marriage.
It just happened and it felt good. And I you what? You didn't think about the consequences. You didn't consider that actions have meanings. I stood up, too agitated to sit anymore.
Here's what I think happened, Rachel. I think you realized years ago that you'd sold me a version of our future that you didn't actually want. I think you knew you couldn't maintain that life forever. And I think when Marcus showed interest, when he offered you attention and excitement in a way out, you took it. Not because you love him, though maybe you do.
I don't know, but because he represented escape from a truth you didn't want to tell. You're wrong. But her voice had no conviction. What am I? Then explain the timeline.
Explain why your affair started within weeks of us beginning fertility treatments. Explain why you refilled your birth control prescription the same week we met with a reproductive endocrinologist. Explain why every step I took toward the family we supposedly both wanted, you took a corresponding step towards someone else. She had no answer. Just sat there surrounded by evidence of her betrayals, plural, looking smaller and more lost than I'd ever seen her.
I didn't marry Marcus to have kids, she said finally. I married you for you, for us. Why? Why wasn't that enough? Because people change, Rachel.
People want different things as they grow older. And when that happens, when you realize your goals don't align anymore, you talk about it. You don't lie about it. I sat back down suddenly exhausted. If you told me 5 years ago that you didn't want children, I would have been disappointed.
I'll be honest about that. But we could have talked it through, maybe found a compromise, or maybe decided we wanted different futures, and parted as friends. Instead, you lied for 5 years, wasted a year of my life on fake fertility struggles and had an affair that destroyed any possibility of us ending things amicably. What do you want from me? She was pleading now.
You want me to say I'm a terrible person? Fine, I'm terrible. I'm a liar and a cheater, and I ruined everything good we had. Is that what you need to hear? I need you to understand that this isn't just about the affair.
It's about the fundamental dishonesty that made the affair possible. You've been lying to me about who you are and what you want for most of our marriage. Marcus is just the most visible symptom of a much deeper disease. I pulled one more document from the envelope, the last one. This is an amendment to our divorce agreement.