Where dinner meant whatever Ethan could cook on a budget, where the television was 15 years old and the couch had a spring that poked through the cushion if you sat in the wrong spot. She didn't complain about any of it. The first time she came over, Ethan expected her to look around with barely concealed judgment, the way wealthy people sometimes did when confronted with how the other half lived. Instead, she kicked off her expensive shoes at the door, accepted the beer he offered, and sat on the floor, helping Lily build a tower out of blocks that had been purchased at a thrift store 3 years ago. "Your apartment is nice," she said.
"You don't have to lie." "I'm not lying. It's small. The heating sounds like it's dying, but it feels like a home." Victoria looked at him.
Your penthouse has never felt like a home. It feels like a hotel I happen to own. That's because you spend all your time at work. That's because I had nothing to come home to. The admission hung in the air between them.
Ethan sat down on the couch. The spring poked him immediately. He shifted to the other side. "What do you want, Victoria? Long-term?"
If you could design your life from scratch, what would it look like? She considered the question seriously. Lily was still building her tower humming quietly to herself. I want to run Sterling Capital, but I want to run it in a way that doesn't consume every waking hour. I want to come home to people who are happy to see me.
I want She stopped. "What?" "I want what you have with Lily." The morning routines, the bedtime stories, the way she looks at you like you're her whole world. Victoria's voice went quiet.
I never thought I wanted children, but watching you with her made me realize I just never met anyone who made parenting look like something I could do. You're good with her. I'm good at playing with her for an afternoon. That's different from being responsible for another human being's entire existence. Not as different as you think.
Lily's tower collapsed. She immediately started rebuilding it. unfazed by failure in the way only children could be. "What about you?" Victoria asked. "What do you want?"
Ethan thought about it. For 3 years, he'd been so focused on survival that he'd stopped thinking about what he actually wanted. Wants were luxury he couldn't afford. Needs were all that mattered. I want Lily to grow up believing the world is good, that people help each other, that hard times don't have to break you.
That's about her. What do you want for yourself? I want to stop feeling guilty for surviving when Sarah didn't. I want to wake up one morning and not immediately start calculating how much everything costs. I want He stopped.