That's a hard thing to hear. He said, "I know. I'm telling you anyway." He looked at her. Two years of carefully maintained professional distance and appropriate behavior.
whatever was happening in this moment, whatever had been building toward this moment without him tracking it or naming it through whiteboard arguments and coffee and the specific quality of her attention and a bar stool she hadn't taken when she could have. What did I do? He said slowly to deserve someone paying that much attention.
The question came out more honest than he'd intended. More bare. He felt exposed by it in a way that was almost physical, but Clare didn't look away. You showed up," she said simply. "For Lily, for your work, for everyone around you.
Every single day for four years, you showed up for other people." She paused. "I just kept hoping you'd figure out that it counts for you, too." Marcus's voice from the other end of the table broke through at exactly that moment. "Something about the sixth inning and a relief pitcher and the spell bent slightly without breaking entirely, the way a spell does when the world intrudes."
Ethan looked at the table, at his beer, at his hands. Four years of concrete in his chest. Four years of not ours, not mine, not allowed, he said very quietly. She asked me about you, Clare went still. 3 weeks ago, Ethan said, Lily, we were in the kitchen.
She was doing homework and she said completely out of nowhere because that's how she operates. She said, "Dad, why does Clare always know which stories you like to tell?" Clare was watching him. I didn't know what to say, he said. I said, "I don't know, buddy."
And she thought about it for a second and she said, "I think she pays attention to you." He paused. And then she went back to her math homework just like that. "What did you do?" Clare asked.
"I burned the grilled cheese," he said. She laughed. "A real one, sudden and unguarded. And the sound of it did exactly what it always did, which was make the room feel like a better place to be. Lily Clare said, shaking her head.
That kid, she's smarter than both of us. She's absolutely smarter than both of us. They were quiet for a moment. A good quiet, the kind that doesn't need filling. Marcus was telling a story.
Diane was laughing. The bar moved around them at its own pace. Can I ask you something? Ethan said. You can always ask. when you texted Marcus tonight and you thought about who would be there.