Why did you come all the way out here? For Mr. Reddick, I mean. The girl kept her eyes on the shirt she was scrubbing. It's just you seem nice and smart.
I would think you could have found someone closer to wherever you came from. Lena was quiet for a moment, choosing her words carefully. I was married before. It didn't end well. After the divorce, I became inconvenient.
My family didn't know what to do with me. I was passed from house to house, always temporary, never quite belonging anywhere. She wrung out a pillowcase, watching water stream between her fingers. Mr. Reddick's letters made me think I could belong somewhere, that I could build a new life, a real life, away from people who knew my past and judged me for it.
I thought Her voice caught. I thought maybe I could start over. I'm sorry he was cruel to you, Ruthie said fiercely. Everyone in town knows he's mean-spirited. He goes through hired hands like other people go through firewood because no one can stand working for him.
I don't know why he even bothered looking for a wife. He wanted children, Lena said simply. And I can't give him that. Ruthie's hands stilled in the water. Is that what he told you?
That you weren't good enough because you can't have babies? Yes. That's Ruthie's jaw clenched. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There's more to being a woman than having babies.
There's more to being a wife than that. The conviction in her voice made Lena's throat tight. Thank you for saying that. I'm not just saying it, I mean it. Ruthie attacked the washing with renewed vigor.
My ma, she had all of us, obviously, but that's not what made her special. What made her special was how she loved us, how she made everything feel safe and warm, how she could fix anything with a song and a hug, how she knew exactly what each of us needed without us having to say it. Tears spilled down Ruthie's cheeks, though her hands never stopped working. And when she died, I tried to be that for everyone. I tried to be what she was.
But I'm not her. I'm I'm 15 years old and I'm tired all the time and some days I want to scream because it's too much and I don't know how to do it all and Her voice broke. Lena immediately pulled the girl into her arms, holding her while she sobbed against her shoulder. Ruthie clung to her like a drowning person and Lena's heart shattered for this child carrying a woman's burden. You're not supposed to do it all, Lena murmured.
You're allowed to be 15. You're allowed to be tired. You're allowed to need help. But Pa needs me. The kids need me.
I can't. Needing help doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're human. Lena pulled back just enough to look Ruthie in the eyes. Your father is a good man.