Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Victoria's face the way she'd looked when she walked out 3 years ago, and the way she'd looked at the preliminary hearing last month, cold, calculating, like Lily was a prize to be won, not a daughter to be loved. At 5:00 a.m., he gave up trying to sleep and got up to shower. The hot water helped a little. He stood under the spray until it ran cold, trying to wash away the exhaustion, the fear, the doubt. It didn't work, but at least he felt cleaner.
He put on his only suit, a navy blue thing he'd bought at Goodwill 3 years ago for his mother's funeral. It was a little tight in the shoulders now, a little worn at the elbows, but it was all he had. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and tried to see what the judge would see. a tired man, a poor man, a man who worked too hard and had too little to show for it. But also a father, a good father, the only parent who'd actually been there. That has to count for something, Marcus said to his reflection.
It has to. He didn't sound convinced, even to himself. At 6:30, he woke Lily. Hey, sweetheart. Time to get up.
Lily's eyes opened slowly, still heavy with sleep. Is it Monday? Yeah, baby. It's Monday. She sat up and looked at him.
Really? Looked at him with those big brown eyes that saw too much for a six-year-old. You're wearing your fancy clothes. I have to go to court today. Remember, Mrs. Patterson is going to take you to school and pick you up after.
Lily's face crumpled. I want to go with you. I know, sweetheart. But court isn't a place for kids. It's boring and there's a lot of waiting.
He sat on the edge of her bed and took her hand. I need you to be brave today. Okay. Can you do that for me? Will you come get me after?
The second it's over. I promise. Lily threw her arms around his neck. I love you, Daddy. Marcus held her tight, breathing in the smell of her strawberry shampoo.
I love you too, baby, more than anything. Mrs. Patterson arrived at 7:15. She took one look at Marcus and pulled him into a hug. You're going to be fine, she said firmly. That judge is going to take one look at you and see exactly what I see.
A man who'd move heaven and earth for his little girl. I hope you're right. I'm always right. Now go and Marcus. She waited until he met her eyes.
Don't let them see you sweat. You belong in that little girl's life. And don't you dare let anyone tell you different. Marcus kissed Lily one more time, grabbed his folder of documents, and walked out the door. The courthouse was 20 minutes away.
He drove slowly, hands tight on the wheel, going over his testimony one more time in his head. The morning traffic was light, which meant he arrived 40 minutes early. He parked in the cheapest lot he could find three blocks away and walked the rest of the distance. The courthouse was an old building, all gray stone and tall columns, the kind of place designed to make regular people feel small. Marcus climbed the steps and pushed through the heavy doors into a lobby that smelled like floor polish and anxiety.