csat there on that train and did not move a muscle. He counted the minutes. He didn't mean to. It just happened.
The way your eyes count ceiling tiles when you can't sleep. The way your brain measures silence when silence has become unfamiliar. 6 minutes 12 20 32 32 minutes. He knew later that the number would stay with him. Not because of what it meant in any grand romantic sense, but because it was 32 minutes where Marcus Hayes didn't have to be strong for anyone, didn't have to fix anything, didn't have to be the answer to someone's problem.
He just had to be there, and that was enough. That was, in fact, more than he'd had in years. The train slowed as it approached Backbay Station. The woman beside him stirred. He watched her come back to consciousness.
The small flutter of her eyelashes, the slight tension returning to her shoulders, the moment where disorientation gave way to recognition, and then recognition gave way to horror. She sat up fast. Her hand went to her mouth. Oh my god. Her voice was hushed, mortified.
I am so sorry. I did not. I wasn't trying to. I'm sorry. Hey, Marcus kept his voice low and even.
It's okay. It's really not. I just She ran a hand over her face. I haven't slept properly in like 2 weeks and I just You didn't drool, Marcus said. She stopped, blinked, and then despite herself, she let out a short surprised laugh.
That's your bar, she said. That's my bar, he said. She shook her head, but some of the horror had dissolved from her face. She picked up her bag, got to her feet as the train pulled into the station. She was already moving toward the the door when she stopped.
She turned around and she looked at him. really looked at him the way people rarely do on public transportation. The way that makes you feel suddenly visible in a way you'd forgotten you could be. I'm Emily, she said. Marcus, she nodded once like she was filing it somewhere. Marcus, she said it back to him.
Then she started walking again. He thought that was it. The door was almost closed. And then just before it did, she turned one more time and she said in a voice low enough that he almost wasn't sure he'd heard it correctly. I wasn't sleeping.