He didn't say it would be okay. He didn't say anything. He just held her the same way he'd held Amara on the worst nights, the same way he'd wanted someone to hold him. and never quite let anyone steady present without condition. He held her for 11 minutes. Nobody on the train said a word.
The old man with the crossword kept doing the crossword. The teenagers kept sharing their earbuds. The city kept moving past the windows. When Emily finally pulled back, she wiped her face with the back of her hand and exhaled slowly. She looked at Marcus.
"You're going to have my mascara on your jacket," she said. "I've got three of this jacket," he said. She laughed half sobb, half real, and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Marcus, yeah, I need to tell you something, okay? She took a breath.
That first morning, when I sat beside you on purpose, it wasn't just about the photograph. It wasn't just about watching you fix Amara's backpack. She looked directly at him, unguarded, nothing performing, just the truth coming straight through. I sat beside you because I was running out of reasons to keep going through the motions. I was waking up every morning and convincing myself to get through the day.
And the conviction was getting thinner and I'd seen you on that platform and I thought if that man can show up with everything he's carrying and still look at his daughter like she's the whole world. She stopped. Then you could show up too, Marcus said. Then I could show up too. She held his gaze.
You saved me before you knew my name. The train slowed. Marcus looked at her. He thought about 32 minutes and I wasn't sleeping and a photograph of a zipper and de Oo and 10:00 phone calls and clarify and then this and all the small accumulating evidence of something building between them that he'd been cataloging without permission for 2 months. Emily, he said, "Yeah, I want to meet your father." She went completely still.
Not today, he said. When it's right, when he's having a good day, he paused. I want him to know there's someone looking out for you the same way you've been looking out for me. I think he'd want to know that. Emily stared at him and then slowly with something in her face that was not quite a smile yet, but was pointing in that direction.
The way a door points toward a room you haven't entered. He would lecture you about the Reds. She said, "I can handle it. He'll test you. He tests everyone.
I've been tested before. He'll want to know your position on the designated hitter rule. I'll form a position, Marcus. Her voice was very quiet now. He's going to love you.