I hated that phrase.
Moving forward suggests a straight line.
My life felt more like circles that gradually became wider.
I still missed Melissa some mornings.
I still remembered good vacations.
Christmases.
Hospital waiting rooms.
Inside jokes that no longer had anybody to receive them.
Those memories did not become counterfeit because she betrayed me later.
That was important.
I did not need to hate our entire marriage to accept that it had ended.
Six months after Melissa returned from South Carolina, we met at Nathan’s office to sign the final settlement agreement.
She looked calmer than she had in months.
Not happy.
Not defeated.
Simply less committed to pretending certainty.
After everything was signed, Nathan left the conference room and gave us several minutes alone.
Melissa looked at the papers.
“Do you remember what you told me before I left?”
“Probably.”
“You said if I walked out, you weren’t waiting for me to decide whether you were still useful.”
I nodded.
“I thought it was manipulation.”
“I know.”
She gave a faint smile.
“I thought everything you said that challenged me was manipulation.”
That was more insight than she had possessed eight months earlier.
Melissa continued.
“I spent a long time telling myself you tricked me.”
“How?”
“You filed without warning.”
“You recorded the argument.”
“You knew Derek was coming.”
She looked embarrassed.
“Then my therapist asked me what would have happened if you hadn’t filed.”
I waited.
“I would have gone anyway.”
“Yes.”
“I would have kept moving money.”
Probably.
“I might have closed on the condo.”
“Yes.”
Melissa rubbed the edge of the papers.
“So eventually I had to admit your preparation didn’t create my decisions.”
“No.”
She looked at me.
“I did.”
“Yes.”
That seemed to hurt.
But differently now.