How? I stopped measuring my life by whether someone else wanted me. There was silence. When you left, I continued, I thought the hardest part would be losing you. It wasn't.
What was? Realizing I had ignored things because I wanted the wedding to happen. She didn't answer. I wanted the future so badly that I kept assuming we would fix everything. I wish I had told you how unhappy I was.
You should have. I was scared. And instead of talking to me, you went to Jamaica and slept with another man. She started crying harder. I know.
You don't get to call that a mistake. She looked at me. It was a choice. Yes. I wasn't saying it to punish her.
I was saying it because she needed to understand the difference. She nodded. You're right. That was the first time she didn't defend herself. She didn't blame the alcohol.
She didn't blame the trip. She didn't blame our argument. She simply accepted it. I made the choice, she said. Yes.
And I destroyed everything. You destroyed what we were building. She wiped her eyes. Is there really nothing I can do? No.
Nothing? You can live with what you chose. She looked down. That sounds cruel. It isn't.
I stood. It's just the consequence. She nodded slowly. Then she asked the question I knew was coming. Are you going to marry Claire?
I don't know. She looked surprised. You don't? No. Why not?
Because I'm not planning my life around marriage anymore. She lowered her eyes. I understand. I walked her to the door. Before she left, she turned around.
I really did think you'd chase me. I looked at her. Why? Because you always did. I shook my head.
That's exactly why I didn't. She was silent for a moment. I understand. I hope you do. I'm sorry, Jack.
I know. There was another long silence. Then she said, "Goodbye, Jack. " Goodbye, Ashley. The call ended. I lowered my phone and sat there for a moment.
For the first time, there was no anger left. Just a quiet certainty that the chapter was over. A few weeks passed after my last conversation with Ashley. She didn't call again. I didn't expect her to.
There was something different about the silence this time. A year earlier, silence had meant I was waiting for answers. Now it meant I didn't need them anymore. One Saturday morning, Claire and I were having breakfast when she looked across the table at me. Did Ashley contact you again?