She said, "We both do. And in the world we actually live in, what I am is what I am. And what you would be spending Amelia, he said her name the way he always said it, quietly and completely like a full stop. I've had this argument with myself already. I've had it at length at significant volume in the privacy of my own head.
I've considered every reasonable objection. I've considered several unreasonable ones. And what I keep coming back to is this. He paused. I have been surrounded my entire life by people who want something from me.
Every conversation, every invitation, every woman who smiles at me at a dance, there is a thing they want. And I am the mechanism by which they get it. I have been a mechanism for so long I'd started to forget I was a person. She was quiet. You talk to me like I'm a person.
He said, "You argue with me. You tell me when you think I'm wrong. You ask me what I actually wanted from my life. And when I answered, you listened like the answer mattered." He stopped. "Do you have any idea how rare that is?" She looked at her hands.
That's not enough, she said softly. What you're describing is enough to value a friendship. It's not enough to to what he said. To do what you're doing, she said carefully to keep coming here to step in front of Victoria Harrington in front of 200 people. She shook her head.
People are going to say that I am using you. They're going to say I engineered this somehow. And the terrible thing is that even if neither of us believes that, the story they tell is going to follow me for the rest of my time in this town. Long after whatever this is has run its course. What if it doesn't run its course?
He said, the words landed between them like a stone in still water. She made herself breathe. That's a very large thing to say, she said finally. I know you've known me for 2 months, 8 weeks and 4 days, he said. She stared at him.
You counted. I did, he said entirely without embarrassment. I counted because every one of them has been the best part of whatever week it was in. And I thought you should know that regardless of what you decide. She looked at him for a long time.