She's nine. What she wants doesn't matter to the court. It matters to her and it should matter to you. Sunday night came too slowly. When Jennifer's car pulled up, Ethan was standing in the driveway before she'd even parked.
Khloe climbed out, dragging her backpack, her face unreadable. "How was it?" Ethan asked. "Fine." "Just fine." We went to the mall and she made spaghetti and we watched movies. Sounds fun. Khloe shrugged.
It was okay. Wet. Jennifer appeared beside them. She was great. We had a good time, didn't we?
Sure, Khloe said in a tone that suggested the opposite. Same time in two weeks, Jennifer asked Ethan. That's what the agreement says. Good. I'll text you the details.
She hugged Khloe, who tolerated it with the enthusiasm of someone enduring a flu shot. "Love you, sweetie." "Love you, too," Khloe mumbled. Then Jennifer was gone, and Khloe was trudging inside, her shoulders slumped. Ethan found her in her room an hour later, sitting on her bed and staring at the wall. "Want to talk about it?" he asked.
"Not really. Did something happen?" "No, it was fine. Like I said, Chloe." She looked at him and her eyes were wet. She has a new apartment. It's really nice.
And she bought me all this stuff. New clothes, new books, a new tablet. She said I could have my own room there with whatever furniture I wanted. That sounds nice. It's not nice.
It's weird. She's trying to buy me. I don't think that's what she's doing. Then what is it? because she was barely around for three years and now she's suddenly supermom with a credit card. Ethan sat beside her.
She's trying in her own way. Maybe not the right way, but she's trying. I I don't want her to try. I want things to stay the same. I know, but sometimes things change whether we want them to or not.
That's not fair. No, it's really not. Chloe leaned against him. Her apartment doesn't feel like home. It's too clean, too.
Everything smells like paint and carpet cleaner. Give it time. It might start feeling more familiar. I don't want it to feel familiar. I want to stay here with you and Selena.
The words hit Ethan harder than they should have because as much as he wanted to promise Khloe she could stay, he didn't have that power anymore. Jennifer had rights. The court had rules. and what Khloe wanted might not matter at all. The custody mediation happened three weeks later. Ethan sat across a conference table from Jennifer and their lawyers while a mediator named David something or other tried to facilitate a compromise.
Jennifer is proposing a gradual transition, David said. Starting with every other weekend, building to alternating weeks over six months. That's too fast, Ethan said. Too fast for whom? Jennifer asked.
For you or for Chloe? for both of us. Chloe needs time to adjust to having me around again. I get that. But dragging this out for a year doesn't help anyone. Neither does forcing her into a schedule she doesn't want.
She's nine. She doesn't get to make these decisions. Maybe she should. The mediator held up a hand. Let's focus on what's best for Khloe, not what each of you wants.
What's best for Khloe was that her parents had never divorced in the first place. What's best for Khloe was that Jennifer hadn't left. But nobody said that out loud. They compromised. One weekend a month for three months, then every other weekend for three months, then alternating weeks starting the following summer.
It felt like selling his daughter in installments. But Ethan signed the papers because the alternative was a court battle he'd probably lose. When he got home, Selena was in the kitchen making dinner. She took one look at his face and put down the knife. "How bad?" she asked.
Alternating weeks by next summer. That's not so bad. That gives you time to prepare. To prepare for what? To prepare to lose half of Khloe's childhood.
You're not losing anything. You're sharing. There's a difference. Is there? Because it feels the same from where I'm standing.
Selena crossed the kitchen, put her hands on his shoulders. You're still her father. Jennifer can't take that away. A custody agreement doesn't change who you are to her. It changes how much I see her, how much I'm part of her daily life.
Then make the time you have count. Be present. Be the parent she needs. I'm trying. I know.
She kissed his forehead. And you're doing great, even when it doesn't feel like it. That night, Khloe asked if Selena could tuck her in instead of Ethan. He tried not to let it hurt. tried to tell himself it was normal for kids to want different people at different times. But standing outside Khloe's room, listening to Selena read a chapter of whatever book they were working through together, Ethan felt the ground shifting again.
Because this thing with Selena, this family they'd built, it didn't have legal protection. If Jennifer pushed hard enough, if custody got messy enough, Selena had no rights. She could be here one day and gone the next, and there was nothing Ethan could do about it. The thought terrified him. Later, after Khloe was asleep, he found Selena on the porch again.
They seem to end up there a lot lately, sitting in the dark and trying to make sense of things. I've been thinking, Ethan said, about about us about what happens if Jennifer pushes for more custody. About what happens if this gets ugly? It's already ugly. It could get uglier.
And you you don't have any legal standing. If things fall apart, you could lose Khloe, too. Selena was quiet for a long moment. I know. Doesn't that scare you?
Terrifies me. But what am I supposed to do about it? Ethan took a breath. Marry me. The words hung in the air between them.
Selena turned to look at him, her face unreadable in the darkness. What? Marry me legally. Make this official. So, if Jennifer tries to argue that Khloe's living situation is unstable, we can show the court that we're committed, that we're a family.
That's the worst proposal I've ever heard. I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean He stopped, started again. I'm doing this backwards, but the truth is I want to marry you, not because of Jennifer or custody or legal protection.