"You're being selfish, Grant. This isn't about you. It's about helping people. And Melissa has a big enough heart to do it."
"Maybe you should try having a little compassion." I wanted to tell Clara exactly where she could stick her compassion. But Jake was sitting right there chewing on his pencil eraser and probably absorbing every word of this train wreck. So instead, I just said, "Thanks for the call, Clara. I'll keep that in mind," and hung up.
But Clara was just the opening act. The real headliner came that Sunday after church because, of course, this conversation had to happen after church, where everyone was supposed to be feeling all holy and charitable. Melissa's mother, Joanne, cornered me in the parking lot while Melissa was inside getting the kids from Sunday school. Joanne was one of those women who'd perfected the art of passive-aggressive warfare, who could make you feel like a complete piece of garbage while smiling and offering you a casserole.
"Grant, dear," she said, linking her arm through mine like we were old friends instead of two people who barely tolerated each other. "I wanted to have a little chat with you about Melissa's decision." Here we go, I thought. Round two of Let's All Gang Up on Grant.
"Joanne, I really don't think this is the right place." "Oh, nonsense. There's no wrong place to discuss doing God's work." She patted my arm with her free hand the same way you'd pat a dog who had just peed on the carpet.
"What Melissa is doing is truly noble. She's bringing life into the world for people who can't do it themselves. You should be proud of her, not trying to hold her back." Noble. There was that word again.
Apparently, everyone had gotten the memo that this was the official spin we were putting on the situation. "Joanne, I understand that you think—" "I don't think, dear. I know. I raised three children, and I know what sacrifice looks like."
"Melissa is making a beautiful sacrifice. And as her husband, you should be supporting her, not making her feel guilty about doing the right thing." The right thing. The right thing would have been talking to me before she agreed to anything.
The right thing would have been considering how this would affect our kids, our marriage, our entire life. But apparently, I was the only one who seemed to think any of that mattered. "Has it occurred to anyone," I said, trying to keep my voice low even though I wanted to shout, "that maybe Melissa should have discussed this with her husband before agreeing to carry another man's baby?" Joanne's smile never wavered, but her grip on my arm tightened.
"Marriage is about supporting each other's dreams, Grant. Not holding each other back out of selfishness." Selfishness, right? Because not wanting your family to be turned into a circus sideshow was selfish. Because thinking your wife should prioritize her actual family over her boss's wishes was selfish.