So do I. She looked surprised. Then I added, but wishing doesn't change what happened. She picked up her bag. Where am I supposed to go now?
That's something you'll have to figure out. She walked toward her car, then stopped. Was your birthday really that important? I looked at her. It wasn't about the birthday.
She waited. It was about what you were willing to do on it. She lowered her eyes. Then she drove away. I went back inside and started packing the things I needed for the next few weeks.
For the first time, I wasn't wondering whether Janice would come back. I was wondering how long it would take before the marriage was officially over. The next two weeks were quieter than I expected. There were no screaming matches, no dramatic visits. Most of our communication went through Aaron.
That made everything easier. Janice initially fought the divorce. She asked Aaron whether there was any way to stop the process, but he explained that I had already made my decision. Then she asked about the house. I had no intention of keeping her trapped financially, but I also wasn't going to give away everything we'd built together.
We had bought the house four years earlier. Both our names were on the mortgage. The agreement was simple. We would sell it and divide the remaining equity according to the settlement. Janice hated the idea.
This is our home, she told me during one of the few conversations we had directly. It was, she stared at me. You can't just erase four years. I'm not erasing them. Then why does it feel like you are?
Because the future we planned doesn't exist anymore. She looked down. I keep thinking about that weekend. So do I. I wish I'd stayed home.
I didn't respond. She continued. I thought Caleb was what I wanted. I looked at her. And now now I don't know what I wanted.
That isn't something I can fix. She nodded. I know. A few days later, she called me late in the evening. I need to tell you something.
What? Caleb and I weren't just talking for 3 weeks. I sat down. How long? Almost two months.
I said nothing," she continued. "It started after I ran into him at a restaurant. And you never told me. " "No. " "Why? " "Because I knew you'd be uncomfortable. " I gave a short laugh. "Uncomfortable? I knew you'd think there was something going on.
There was something going on. I didn't know what it was yet. You knew enough to hide it. " She started crying. I was confused. I let the silence sit.
Then I asked, "Did you ever plan to tell me? " I don't know. That answer hurt more than I expected. Not because I wanted her back, because it confirmed that the birthday wasn't some sudden collapse. She had been creating a separate relationship behind my back while still coming home to me every night. How many times did you meet him?
Three. Before the memorial. Yes. Were you planning to leave me? I thought about it.
I closed my eyes. And you still came home every night. I was scared of being alone. Yes, there it was. She hadn't stayed because she was committed to our marriage.