Better than okay. I felt like myself again, or at least a version of myself that had been buried for a while and was finally breathing fresh air. And then, around 3:30, Jenna walked through the side gate. Rachel was with her, hovering like a nervous handler. Jenna looked different than the last time I'd seen her, the time she'd screamed at me through my apartment door.
She was dressed carefully, a sundress similar to the one she'd worn at the cafe. Her hair done, makeup subtle. She'd clearly put effort into looking good. But there were cracks in the presentation. Shadows under her eyes that makeup couldn't fully hide.
A tension in her shoulders that didn't belong at a casual barbecue. She scanned the yard, and her eyes found me almost immediately. I didn't look away. I didn't glare. I just gave her the same neutral nod I'd give any acquaintance and turned back to my conversation with Derek.
From the corner of my eye, I watched her navigate the party. She said hello to a few people, accepted a drink from Rachel, laughed at something that didn't reach her eyes. She was circling, waiting for her moment. It came about an hour later when I stepped away from the group to grab another beer from the cooler near the back fence. Liam.
Her voice was soft, rehearsed. She'd been practicing this. I turned. She was standing a few feet away, alone. Rachel had strategically vanished.
Jenna, I said. No warmth, no anger, just acknowledgement. Can we talk? She gestured vaguely toward a quieter corner of the yard. Just for a minute, please.
I considered saying no. I considered walking away without a word, the same way I'd walked out of that cafe. But something in me, maybe the part that had spent weeks in silence rebuilding, wanted to see how this would feel. Wanted to know if she still had any weight. Sure, I said.
We stepped a few paces away from the crowd near a blooming hydrangea bush that hummed with bees. Jenna clasped her hands in front of her, then unclasped them, then crossed her arms. She couldn't seem to figure out what to do with her body. I've been thinking a lot, she began, about us, about everything. I waited.
I was scared, she said, of real commitment, of being happy. I didn't know how to handle what we had, so I sabotaged it. Losing you made me grow, Liam. It forced me to grow. She looked up at me, her eyes glistening.
Can we just talk? I miss us. I miss you. I let the words hang in the air. Then I spoke.
You told me to move so someone else could sit down. She flinched. I did, I said. And now I've moved so far past that table, I don't even remember what the coffee tasted like. That's not fair, she whispered, her voice cracking.
I was confused. "You can't hold one mistake against me forever." I told me I was a comfortable chapter, I said. "Do you remember that?" She didn't answer.