He was gentle. efficient and utterly silent. Then he stood up. He walked to the gun cabinet. He took out his Winchester repeating rifle. He took out the heavy Colt revolver.
He began to load them. "Eli," Clara said. He did not answer. He shoved cartridges into the loading gate of the rifle. "Click, click, click. " The sound was deafening in the quiet room.
"Eli, look at me," Clara said. He turned. His eyes were not the eyes of the man she loved. They were the eyes of a stranger. Cold, empty, filled with a singular murderous purpose.
I am going to kill them, he said. His voice was flat. I am going to ride to Pike's ranch and I am going to kill Vance and then I am going to find Pike and I'm going to kill him. I am done waiting, he turned for the door. No, Clara cried out, stumbling up from the chair.
She ran to him, grabbing his arm. He was like a stone statue. He did not stop. He dragged her a few steps before stopping at the door. "Let go, Clara.
They hurt you. They put a rope on you. " "If you go there," Clara said, her voice shaking. "You will die. They have 20 men. You will kill one, maybe two, and then they will cut you down, and I will be alone.
I cannot let this stand, Eli shouted, the control finally snapping. He slammed his hand against the doorframe. I am a man. I am supposed to protect you. If I do not kill him, I am nothing.
I am weak. He slumped against the door, the rifle claddering to the floor. He covered his face with his hands, his shoulders heaving with dry, tearing sobs. I am weak. I am just a coward who hides behind fences.
Clara picked up the rifle and set it aside. She walked to him. She reached up and pulled his hands away from his face. "Look at me," she commanded. He looked at her, his face wet with tears of shame.
"You are not weak," she said fiercely. "Pike is weak. Vance is weak. They use power to hurt because they are small. " "You," she touched his chest. "You have the power to kill, and you choose not to.
That is not cowardice, Eli. That is the hardest thing a man can do. She pressed her forehead against his. You did not become him. You did not become your father.