What did you do? Where is the TV? How could you do this to me? I can't afford this place alone. Greg says you're a psychopath.
Then came the flying monkeys, her friends, whom I had fed, entertained, and DD'd for years, suddenly had a lot of opinions on my character. Sarah, best friend, you abandoned her? She's having a panic attack on the floor. You need to come back and fix this. Be a man.
Mark, mutual friend, bro, leaving her with the rent is low. Even if you guys are fighting, you don't mess with someone's housing. I didn't argue. I didn't try to explain the nuances of the situation. I sent one single mass text to everyone involved.
Elena asked me to leave my own home so she could be alone with another man. I respected her wishes and moved out. I am no longer financially responsible for her choices. Do not contact me again. Then I blocked them all one by one.
It was incredibly satisfying, but I wasn't done. Blocking numbers is emotional protection. I needed legal protection. I drove straight to the leasing office. I walked in and sat down with the property manager, a no-nonsense woman named Karen.
I need to break the lease for unit 4B, I said, sliding a cashier's check across the desk. Karen looked at the check. It was for $4,800, 2 months of rent. It hurt to write that check. That was my vacation money.
That was my savings. But I viewed it as a ransom payment for my future. This covers the early termination fee, I said. As of today, I have vacated the premises and surrendered my keys. Karen typed into her computer.
Okay, this terminates the current lease agreement effective immediately. However, since Elena is still in the unit, she becomes a holdover tenant. She has 30 days to either vacate or sign a new lease in her name. She'll need to re-qualify on her own income, right? I asked.
Correct, Karen said. She will need to show proof of income equal to three times the monthly rent. I nodded. She won't qualify. Then she will receive a notice to quit, Karen said simply.
Understood. I walked out of that office lighter than air. I had paid a steep price for my freedom, but it was cheaper than a divorce 5 years down the line. I had legally severed the limb to save the body. The next 3 months were quiet for me.
I focused on work. I started lifting heavy again. I slept like a baby, but news travels. Apparently, the honeymoon phase of Elena and Greg lasted exactly as long as the internet bill was paid. With me out of the picture, Greg stepped up.
And by stepped up, I mean he moved his duffel bag into the space I cleared out. He told Elena he would help her manifest the rent money. He told her that my departure was a cosmic sign that they were meant to be roommates, but reality is a brutal creditor. Elena needed $2,400 a month for the apartment. She made $3,200.
After taxes and student loans, she had about $400 left for food and utilities. She needed a roommate who paid bills. Instead, she got Greg. Greg was great at crying about his childhood trauma at 2:00 a.m. He was not great at paying the electric bill. He was not great at doing dishes.