She paused. The hardest part is that I have 112 people who work in this building and every single one of them is performing for me all the time. Every meeting, every email, every corridor conversation. And I can't get a clear picture of anything because everything I see has been filtered through what people think I want to see. That's what I said.
Marcus said about the information flow. I know. She turned around. You said it better. I've had more practice being on the other side of the glass.
She looked at him with something that wasn't quite a smile and wasn't quite not one. You're not afraid of me, she said. It wasn't a question. I respect you, he said. That's different.
Most people in your position use those words interchangeably. Most people in my position haven't six years learning the difference between things that are actually dangerous and things that just feel that way. She tilted her head slightly. Your daughter and everything else. He set the mug down.
My divorce, my mother passing, a restructure that almost cost me my department. He said it without drama, just fact. You learn after a while that the things that feel like the end usually aren't. And the things that actually matter usually don't announce themselves. Amelia watched him for a long moment.
Then she sat back down in the chair and something in the way she settled into it was different from before. Less performed, less held together. I haven't had a real conversation, she said carefully. In a long time. Real how real like this one where someone isn't trying to manage me or impress me or stay on my good side.
A beat where I can say something true and not have to immediately calculate how it will be received. Marcus thought about his daughter at Mrs. Okonquo's house. About his commute home, about the way his apartment felt on weekend mornings when Lily was still asleep and he was the only person awake in a very quiet world. Yeah, he said.
I know that feeling. I doubt you. She stopped. Reconsidered. You're a single father.
6 Years and you do all of it alone. I have Mrs. Oaken Quo, he said. And my sister helps when she can. But yeah, mostly alone.