And now he was standing on the wrong side of it trying to convince himself that the view was better from here. He knew it wasn't. He had known that for 2 weeks. He just hadn't known it well enough yet. He didn't call her that night.
He didn't call her Saturday. He told himself he was giving her space, which was partially true, and giving himself time to think, which was also partially true, and that neither of these things was the same as shutting down, which was entirely a lie. On Saturday afternoon, his phone rang. It was his lawyer, Renee, with an update on the custody situation. She had reviewed Diane's employment inquiry to Cornerstone and agreed with Clare's assessment.
It was litigation preparation. She recommended that Malcolm document everything going forward and be prepared for a formal modification petition within 30 to 45 days. He thanked Renee, hung up, and sat with the information for a long time. Then he picked up his phone and called his mother. "You had the fight," his mother said before he could explain why he was calling. ""I didn't say that."
"You called on a Saturday afternoon and you sound like that. You had the fight."" He described the argument. He kept it factual, not because he was trying to be fair, but because he had enough of his mother's voice in his head to know she would see through editorial choices. When he finished, his mother was quiet for a moment. Then she said, "What did she actually say to you that made you walk away?"
He thought about it. She said, "My decision to take a second job so I don't have to lean on anyone was wrong." "Mhm." "She was implying I wasn't making good decisions." "Or," his mother said with the careful neutrality of someone who was not going to say the thing she was about to say.
She was telling you the truth about something you didn't want to hear and you turned it into an attack because it was easier to be defensive than to sit with it. Malcolm said nothing, baby. His mother said that woman has been in your corner for 9 years. She brought you food when you hadn't eaten. She covered your back at a board meeting.
You didn't even know she was watching. She is telling you that she sees you running yourself into the ground. And your response was to tell her she was overstepping. A pause. That's not a woman who's trying to control you.
That's a woman trying to reach you. And there's a difference. He pressed the back of his hand against his mouth. "I know," he said very quietly. "Do you?"
His mother's voice wasn't unkind. Because knowing it and doing something about it are two different things and you've been knowing it for a while now without doing anything about it. He said goodbye. He hung up. He sat there.